The waves rolled beneath my feet, the feeling of the up and down of the ship rocking back and forth, back and forth. I feel my arms, rubbed with olive oil, made to make me look shiny and clean. The food in front of me- the best good given to us in days… but I left it untouched; the masters just trying to fatten us up. The shackles on my wrists shook. Chains on my wrists.
“You’ll be okay Tariro. Young girl like you… won’t have too many buyers.”
Baba stood over me, his strong arms holding me beside him. I felt his cold shackles come over me and I shuddered.
“Can’t we be sold as a family… together?”
Grief ran across my father’s face. “I’m afraid not… the ways of mankind are cruel.”
“I’d like to see them serve us.” I said harshly. I looked over on the other side of the small, crammed, room, and met eyes with my mother who was holding my brother in her lap. I mouthed single syllables in English, trying not to forget what my father had taught me. He said without the same language, there would be no way to defend myself when I didn’t do wrong. So, English was necessary to learn for our family, and this was even before they came to take us away. I closed my eyes and pictured our little hut back in Africa, and I ached to feel the touch of the dirt and grass around me, seeing the face of our loved relatives.
My eyes burst open as I felt the ship lurch and I sat quietly as a man walked into the room, his face grimaced in disgust. One by one, he started to attach our shackles together in a line- I was put in front of my father and felt the heavy strains of the silver line tie us together. My mother and brother were ushered towards the back.
“God forgive me!” Screamed one from behind and I looked down instinctively like father had always taught me to do. Never get involved. Never look. “God forgive me and let me go!” I heard the screams muffled and shouts as other white men came in and I heard the brief noises of beating… the noises I was already so accustomed to.
“No!” I heard one of the white men say. “Not too much. We have an auction today.” The words were slightly familiar to my ears, but I kept silent in line as the masters started to hang boards across our necks- boards with random numbers on them. I heard shouts from above, and as I slowly walked up the ladder that they lead us through, the light that I had not seen in months blinded my eyes.
I saw the clearing in the front, my eyesight finally clearing from the sun. I held my back straight and stood tall, for the masters were coming around for their last check-up. My heart was racing as I saw the masters unshackle the leg chains of the first of us- I think Chike was his name- and lead him away. I shuddered and felt a hand on my shoulder and met eyes with my father, his eyes steady without fear.
“Remember, not weak. Show them you can work. Whatever you do, get sold. Don’t get put in the stock pile. Remember Tariro, your family is always with you. Never forget. When this war is over, we will come find you, okay? Ma, your brother and I.” He scanned the front of the line. “When your masters beat you do not-”
“Baba I know. You’ve told me three times on the boat. Don’t question your actions, don’t speak unless spoken, make the masters happy. Make friends with the other slaves. Don’t make friends with the white skinned.”
A crinkle of warmth spread across my father’s face and a pang echoed through my heart. “That’s my girl.” He whispered, kissing me on the forehead.
A roar erupted from the crowd and I jumped- watching as another man was lead to the center of the clearing. I think I knew him, from the second village. Strong, and loved by most of the women. I, even at thirteen, admired him for his strong will. I wish I had a strong will.
But Baba said a strong will get you beaten- as a slave. Slave… a newly learned and unfamiliar word, but I assumed it was the masters’ term for us. They use us as if we don’t have feelings. No, I do. Do you hear me, I do! I wanted to shout. The line moved forward slowly and before the sun reached the quarter of the top of the skies, my chain was unlocked from my fathers. I reached out for his hand one last time, my lip shaking with fear as rough hands circled around my scrawny, brown arms. I reached out, but caught nothing. I was led in the middle of the clearing. Panic fled through me; my heart froze into ice as I saw the eyes of many hungry men stare down at me- every aspect of me. I wanted to lower my eyes. My feet shifted sideways, feeling as if my heart would shatter under my fear.
“This is a young girl of thirteen. She knows and speaks limited English.”
I heard a murmur of approval from the crowd and my fear heightened. Was my Baba wise for making me learn this language? The man beside me continued.
“She is obedient and good for any work. Young, yes, but full of years of work in the fields.”
No emotion. Nothing, I told myself. My knees were about to buckle at any moment.
“Look at the fine complexions of her skin- not roughed up yet. Her hands, course and not too delicate, perfect for house chores.” After a moment of silence, the man raised his voice. “Let’s start the bidding at 1000 pounds.”
There was silence within the crowd and my neck convulsed, the veins straining. Sweat beaded my forehead.
“Ah… 1550 pounds.”
I couldn’t’ stop my head from snapping in the direction of the voice- an old man with a scruffy beard.
“1800 pounds!”
“2000 pounds.”
“2500!”
“4500.”
There was dead silence as the last number was read. I wasn’t sure what their method of counting Algeria was, but I knew that the man beside me wasn’t too satisfied. He paused.
“Going once, twice, sold!”
There was a bang and I was roughly pulled off the clearing, my heart shattering at that moment inside me. Or, that’s what it felt like. I felt the tears welling up inside my eyes, and I struggled to fight them back. I wanted, no, needed to see my family the last time. Please. Please.
I was pushed into a pen, my chains taken off my hands and replaced with ordinary rope. A man stepped into the little area- the man who had won me, I supposed. He looked me over carefully, eyes gradually peeling through all aspects of me. I met his eyes slowly, looking into those hazel colored irises and wondering if he could be one of the rare, kind masters my father had spoken about.
“Name?” he asked me, not rough in manner.
“Tariro.” I whispered for the first time, my mouth parched and lips cracked dry. He looked sideways at me.
“I’ll take her.” He handed another man a sheet of paper and grabbed my rope, gently pulling me alongside him onto a road, which led me away from the clearing, and away from my family.
The road let to a large house at the side of the road and I peered at it, my head too exhausted to be amazed at the level of richness that the whites held. The man didn’t talk to me at all on the way to this house, but led me inside without question, my bare feet that were worn from the path now hitting smooth tile that felt like paradise.
I was led into what I assume was the kitchen, since there were heating devices.
“Sit.” He commanded, and I did so, the words of my father echoing in his head. “I am not your master.”
I looked up, my face probably showing him how alarmed I was.
“Don’t worry, the master isn’t home yet, but he sent me to find him a capable slave for working in the house.” He paused. “Do you understand?”
“Yes.” I said. My heart beat relaxed a little, seeing as he was in no intention of beginning to beat me on my first day here. “Please, sir,” I whispered, forgetting the rule of not speaking unless being spoken to. “May I have a cup of water?”
“No.”
My head snapped in the direction of the entrance and I stood and bowed my head, not even seeing who came in, but it was the new comer who refused me water in which I had been denied of for hours. The man who had brought me here said nothing about the denial, but addressed the newcomer.
“Mrs. Leyton. This is the slave I have bought for Al.”
My eyes lifted the slightest, just so I could have caught the shoes this Mrs. Leyton wore. Obviously the mistress of the house, her shoes were probably made of lace of the finest material.
“Yes, I see that.” She snapped. “Bring her to the ware house and don’t you ever let her in my kitchen again unless she’s on duty, do you understand Liel? Also, don’t let the children see her until Al approves of her.”
Liel nodded. “Of course Mrs. Leyton. Come on, Tariro.” He gently pulled my rope and led me out of the grand house and into the shed nearby, the stench of horses and cattle filling my nose. He opened an empty stall and lead me in it, hay piled in the corner. Pausing, he looked at me, and I met his gaze steadily, fear clutching within me.
“You won’t run, will you?”
I could feel the sores on my wrists from the rope start to burn through my skin, so I shook my head no, and to my relief he untied the rope from my hands. When he left, I sat on top of the hay silently, all emotion drained from me that I couldn’t even bring myself to cry.
A shadow fell over me and my skin shivered, the bumps I frequently know crawled up my every body part. It was so silent; I could hear my own heart beating and the breath of the man who stood beyond the stall.
He’s not expecting me to wait till he says anything. He knows I’m not asleep. I paused, fingers turning icy cold. Be strong. An image of my father flashed through my head in a blink and swept into the back part of my brain, but it was enough to make me dig my nails deep into my coarse skin- my nails which hadn’t been cut in so long.
Without shaking, I stood quietly and turned to face my master, still standing there. Of course, I didn’t meet him in the eye. Like a horse, meeting it in the eye would bring him a challenge, and I was intent on making a ‘good’ first impression as a slave. ‘
“Yes, master?” I asked softly. My throat burned, but water was the last item on my mind now.
I felt a cold smile crack on my master- a satisfaction I would have to get used to.
“Good, you’re learning well.” He turned sharply as he entered the stall and grabbed my wrists, yanking ropes on them- ropes that had blistered my wrists before. Then, thrusting me to the side, he tossed the rope around the wooden pole of the stall and pushed me to my knees.
I knew also I would have to get used to this.
I could almost already feel the crack of the whip sinking into my skin. I could hear a chuckle from behind me and gritted my teeth together. But nothing came.
“You will address me master after every sentence, understand? You know English, yes?”
“Yes, master.” I knew the masters tended to find any excuse to bring down their rope.
No. Not today.
“Good. A few rules, and a few questions. Your name is now changed to Hattie Leyton. You will wake before dawn and work with Beth till the sun sets. You will retrieve back to the stables. You will listen to whatever Mrs. Leyton or me says if you disobey you will retrieve here and immediately be beaten. Do you understand?”
There was a deathly silence as I processed the information slowly.
“Master…”
I bit my tongue; let the rage fuel through me. I felt a pause from behind me and felt radiating heat of interest.
“Yes, Hattie?”
I closed my eyes. My name was Tariro, and I wanted to keep that with me, forever. But I knew one word from me and I would experience the crack of the rope. I have never experienced that, not even on the day they came to take us. Baba had told me immediately upon their arrival to do anything they said, since we all knew English. He was protecting me from feeling pain.
Let it go, Tariro, I told myself. It’s just a name.
“Nothing, master.” I let my thick accent roll into the silence. I felt happy with my control over myself.
“Very good. Few more things. You will get a change of clothes soon and shower, if you wish, with the dogs.” He paused. “We are not cruel masters, Hattie, we are some of the kindest compared to the others. We just want to do what’s collectively best for the nation. We are your family now forever, and you ought to start good by listening to us, unlike Beth who had to be broken the hard way. This is the hierarchy of society, Hattie. Masters on top, slaves at the bottom. Be a good slave, and your life will not be as they have told you.” His tone had softened near the end, and I could hear sentiment crawling through his lecture, but I had stopped listening from one word.
“Family?” I whispered softly, daring to break the impalpable silence.
“Yes…” the master said, his answer differing from his previous ones. “Yes. You are now part of our family, and I will not have you embarrass us.”
I felt my bones shaking with fear and my mind swinging with rage.
“No.”
It came out before I wanted it to and I bit my tongue hard, ignoring the sear of pain that swept up my nerves.
“What?” A cold tone crept on the master.
I closed my eyes. You idiot, I told myself. You idiot. But I would not let him get away with this.
“Master, sit, you must understand. You all are not my family. My true family has been whipped away from me. My family will never be in the hearts of those who choose to cast me downwards.”
I knew it was coming, and oh… how it hurt. I knew that my master’s heart was weak and could only deal with his problems with seeing others suffer.
I felt the coarseness of the rope meet my back, the thinness of my clothes no protection to the digging of the rope through my hard skin, scraping at the thin layer of skin I had. I could smell my blood after the third hit and I knew my tears were coming. I clenched my fists to keep from crying out, the agony shooting past my body and I yearned to scream, to last out.
But I held still. I had chosen to speak out, and I must accept my consequences. And through lal the pain, I felt the cell of happiness because I had spoken the truth and after renaming me, there was nothing that could let me get away with this.
Master stopped after a while, probably sensing the amount of pain I was in. Even he was breathing hard, but I was silent, holding in my cries desperately and feeling the blood trickle on my back.
“Hattie, you must forget who you were and accept who you are. Hattie Leyton. You are part of the Leyton family.”
And that sentence just broke me, and I collapsed from the inside, sobs filling the stall. The master got what he wanted- a broken slave. Because I knew if I said no, that I wasn’t Hattie Leyton, I would be here all night with pools of blood. And the events of the day just had built inside of me, and telling me my family was gone forever, I was alone.
And I don’t think my father would approve of me being weak and drinking myself in my sorrows, but I’m sorry Baba, I would have to disappoint.
And my master stood and watched me, and after a while, he just left. Satisfied, I guess, with how I was broken.
The cold water splashed on my back and I cringed, and as it shut off I could feel the water trickle into the cracks of my back, seething at remembering the whips on my back. I stood up, shivering, and I felt cloth slam into my body, my hands instinctively coming up to catch it.
“Put it on, will ya? And hurry up about it, we’ve got work to do and little time.”
Beth was a round woman with crinkles that furrowed her face into a nasty scowl all the time. I was hoping, from my father’s rules, to make friends with her, but she seemed avoidant of my questions about her history. I threw on the fresh dress and we relieved that the quality wasn’t bad.
“My name’s Ta-” I paused. “Hattie.”
“Yes, I know.” Beth said, scowling at me once again. “Of course I know who you are.” She eyed me carefully. “They think I’m getting old, the masters, so they bring in a young and fresh slave to replace me. Huh!” She started to drag me toward the house from the yard, mumbling as we walked.
We walked in from the back door, making sure to wear our clean slippers in the house and keeping our voices hushed. The tasks, Beth told me, before any of the masters were awake were to prepare breakfast.
“But I don’t know how to cook.” I whispered to her.
Instantly I wish I had never said those words, for upon saying them Beth had drew her hand back and slapped me on the cheek, my skin burning from the pain and from embarrassment.
“You’ll learn from me, obviously.” She snapped, opening a few drawers and taking out pans and silverware. “For the first days, you watch me cook. Then you pick up. For now, you do the basics like setting the table and such. Well, go on!” She hissed.
I blinked, staring at the empty table in the foyer and I looked back.
“Miss Beth, I’m not sure what you mean by set the table.”
I stood to the side of the wall silently while I heard my masters conversing at the table, forks clinging against the plates as they filled their stomachs full of the wonderful smelling eggs and bacon that Beth had cooked up this morning. She had taught me how to set the table, unhappily, and I had learned, willingly. I was determined not to make myself a burden upon her.
“Hey Papa, what’s that nigger doing standing there? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her around.”
I didn’t lift my head, but I knew who was talking- the youngest child of the Leytons.
“Oh Tommy boy, she’s the newest member of the family. Ya’ll call her Hattie, alright?”
“Yes Papa.” Came a chorus of the children.
“But Papa, that nigger look skinny. She look sad.”
“Tommy, I told you to call that girl Hattie, alright?”
I lifted my eyes the slightest and could see the muscles of tension bunch up in Mrs. Leyton as Mr. Leyton eyed Tommy. Tommy was looking curiously at me and a bit of me urged to smile at him faintly.
“Now Tommy,” continued Mr. Leyton. “Remember when Beth came to us? She was skinny and sad too, remember? Now what does she look like?”
Tommy giggled. “Beth is the best!” He laughed as Beth tickled him in the stomach and the Leyton’s chuckled.
“That’s right, we love Beth.” Mr. Leyton continued. “Beth, get us some bread from the pantry, will you?”
“Yes, master.”
Her voice was filled with warmth and kindness, something that wasn’t there when she was talking to me.
“Papa, we already have Beth, we do we need that other nigger?”
“Tommy!” Roared Mr. Leyton, slamming his fist onto the table and I jumped, looking down at the ground again as panic fled into me. What was I to do? Beth was gone. “I told you. Hattie. And Hattie is here to help Beth.”
“That’s enough, Al.” Mrs. Leyton said, putting a hand on her husband to calm him, and Mr. Leyton sat down again.
“Hattie, bring us some more milk, will you?”
I blinked, feeling my pulse rush up again as I scanned the counter for the milk and carried it over to the table, eyes scanning the cups of milk for the three children. I noticed that the amount of milk in the young girl’s cup was dwindling and reached to pour more into it.
Right as I picked up the cup to pour more milk into it, the girl, Lila, let out a screech and I jumped, the cup falling from my hand. Panic flooded me as I maintained control of the milk jug and stooped to pick up the cup that had fallen on the table. When I touched it again, Lila screamed again and I retracted, heat flooding my face.
“Don’t touch my cup!” Lila screamed.
“That’s enough, Lila.” Mrs. Leyton said harshly to her daughter. “That’s enough as well, Hattie, set the jug down at the edge of the table.”
Hands shaking, I set the jug on the table just as Beth returned from the pantry with a basketful of bread. I was frantic, wondering if I should retrieve to the stables to be beaten, but none of the masters said anything.
“Beth, will you please refill the children’s’ cups with milk?”
“Of course, ma’am.” Beth said, picking up Lila’s cup and pouring milk in it.
I blinked slowly, noticing that Mr. Leyton was watching me, eyes narrowed. He raised his eyebrows at me challenging.
He’s showing me. The hierarchy of acceptance. They are a family, I’m not part of it yet.
And then a surge of anger came over me. If they didn’t want me part of their family, then why did Mr. Leyton beat me half to death yesterday? How dare he go against his word. Does he want me to be a part of their family, or not?
I sat on the floor, dipping in the rag into the bucket of soap and spilling it all over the floor, sweat dripping across my face as I scrubbed the floor clean.
“That’s it, Hattie, you’re doing well.”
I smiled to myself, a flame of hope lighting inside my chest as I heard Beth praise me. She sat across the hall in the entrances, scrubbing the floor herself.
I looked up as I heard the sound of high heels scratching the surface of the floor. Mrs. Leyton entered the room and looked at me carefully, and then across at Beth.
“Beth!” Mrs. Leyton called. “You know the routine, I’m out to lunch with friends soon. Take care of the children when I’m gone.” She paused. “Let Hattie work with them too.” She turned her head to look at me, and I met her gaze back, feeling a bit less threatened with Mrs. Leyton. “How are you doing Hattie? First day?” She asked quietly.
I blinked slowly. “I’m alright, Mrs. Leyton.” My back ached from the beating of last night and my heart was torn apart in fragments from the thought of my family miles away from me, but I knew this all could not be said.
“That’s good.” She said. “Don’t mess around with my children. Listen to Beth, alright?”
I nodded carefully, and Mrs. Leyton disappeared around the corner of the door.
“Beth, when do we get lunch?” I asked her across the hall, my stomach rumbling after the small bite of bread I had this morning. Beth looked up.
“Well, we don’t really get lunch if you call it that. But I always get some bread when the children are napping in the afternoon if Mrs. Leyton doesn’t come home by then.”
I swallowed, grinding my teeth together to hold back the tears that longed to fall.
“Alright Hattie, if you’ve finished the kitchen floor go ahead and dump the rest of the soap down the sink and we’ll let the floors dry.” Beth said, standing up to dump her bucket down the sink first. “Mrs. Leyton usually goes somewhere during lunch and when she does, the children are left in our charge since Mr. Al is away on the shared plantation. Now, all we have to do is keep the children entertained for a while, and then make them do their studies.”
I looked up at Beth sharply. “Entertained?”
Beth looked sideways at me and rolled her eyes. “Gosh Hattie, you’ll be fine. C’mon now, pick yourself up.”
I stood up and washed my hands, feeling fatigue already wash over my body as I followed Beth upstairs.
We entered the children’s room and I peered at the young kids as they were sitting on the ground, hands wrapped around some dolls. When we came in, they looked up- startled.
“Beth!” Yelled Tommy. “Beth has come to play with us again!”
My eyes scanned the other two children- Lily and the younger boy, John.
“Yes, that’s right.” Beth said warmly, stooping to sit next to the children. “Me and Hattie have come to play with you.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the room.
“But we don’t want to play with Hattie, Beth.” Lily said quietly. “We only have fun with you.”
“I don’t want her touching my dolls.” John said sourly, clutching his cowboy to his stomach.
A deep feeling sank within me. “I won’t touch them, I’ll just play along with the story.” I said softly to them.
Lily blinked slowly, observing me carefully, but the boys wouldn’t even begin to consider it.
“Beth, I don’t want to play anymore.”
“Can we just go straight to nap?” John asked quietly.
Beth gave me a look, and then back at the children.
“You will have to learn to accept Hattie. Lily, give your doll to Hattie.”
Lily looked flustered at being called out and looked at me, then back at Beth. I sighed and stood up, beginning to leave.
“Here.”
Her voice was trembling, but I heard Lily herself say it to me and I turned around, my face softening as I saw her reach up with her doll towards me. I walked over and slowly took it, my black hands meeting her white ones. I gently lay the doll in my arms and rocked it back and forth, seeing the fake plaster of the smile sewed in on the doll’s face, and I couldn’t help but notice that the doll was similar to me. Fake, and unreal, living in a house it probably didn’t want to live with owners that they were forced upon. And I let Lily have her doll back, unharmed. I looked steadily at John and Tommy, but they said nothing, clutching their cowboys away. Beth met my gaze and her look softened.
“Don’t worry children, I’ll play with you.”
I sat in the corner of the room, away from the children and Beth and watched their interactions. It was awhile before Beth finished with the children and tucked them inside their beds, enough time for my stomach to remind me that I hadn’t had lunch yet.
“Hattie, why don’t you take the basket downstairs and the spare change in the jar and get some fruit and vegetables for dinner? If you have any trouble, just ask some neighbors and tell them you’re part of the Leyton family.” She paused. “You can take one and eat it before you come home, but remember to pay for it.”
I nodded, glad for the excuse to remove myself from the children’s presence. I scrambled outside, grabbing the basket and spare change with me and tripping my way up the main path in the direction of the market. I looked around steadily at the houses next to me- some slaves looked up hastily from where they were working, but didn’t say much as I passed. I reached the market, steadying myself as I saw the eyes of the white men gaze over my body. I nimbly picked out the fruit I thought that were among the best, slowly taking my pick.
“Watch it!” Hissed a voice, and my arm was caught and flung back, bringing myself eye to eye with a white master, the master of the market I assumed, since his eyes were blazing with fury. “What you touch you get.” He snapped, thrusting his hand out to the two peaches I had tested for juiciness earlier, and dropping them in the basket. “And it’s what you pay for.”
I gulped steadily, using only my eyes at the next stand to survey. My mind was already drifting further ahead to the reaction of the masters when I brought home the food and they saw the low quality. What would they do- beat me?
I shopped until I had little money to spare and the basket was full- and at this time the sun was near the end of the skies and I knew it was time for me to get back to the master’s house else they thought I had run away. My head down after paying the master, I watched my own feet shuffle their own way to the path, and I had walked a couple of paces when suddenly a rough hand grabbed my shoulder and shoved me to the side.
I gasped sharply, yanking the basket upwards from the ground as I stumbled to the side.
Keep going and look down. I told myself carefully, not meeting eyes with the stranger until I looked forward and noticed that the stranger who had shoved me had feet.
Black feet.
I looked up slowly and relief fled into my heart- it gushed all at once mixed with pain and an unmeasurable amount of love.
“Tariro?” The lady gasped, eyes wide with question and thought.
“Ma.” I burst out, letting go of the basket and rushing forward to embrace her in a hug. We released and I stepped back, surveying her treatment. Obviously she was emaciated with her hands rough from work, and her bones were outlined, her face sagging with a dead and pale look. “Ma…” I whispered again, choking on my words.
“Tariro…” My mother looked around hastily, and pulled me aside. “Let’s get into the side before the white masters of the market see us and think we’re planning something.”
I followed her with my basket to the side of the road where we weren’t obviously seen.
“Where do you live?” She questioned immediately. “How our your masters?”
“Down the road- and they’re fine.” My eyebrows furrowed with worry. “You look terrible…”
My mother smiled grimly. “I have to work in the fields sometimes. It’s a long journey from the market to where I’ve been put.” There was a silence.
“Any idea where Baba or Aspurta are?” I asked, referring to my brother by his name, something that we rarely did.
“None.” My mother said grimly.
I paused, hesitating. “I have to go soon, my masters will think I’ve run off.”
My mom nodded, understanding. “I don’t come to the market often.” She paused and nodded slowly, a painful look spreading across her face.
“I want to get the family back together, someday and somehow.” My mother said, and a deep pang shot my heart.
“Ma…”
“I don’t care what it takes.” Hissed my mother, standing with her own basket of goods. She kissed me on the forehead. “I miss you Tariro, may the winds of luck carry you till the next time we meet.”
“I’ll try and come to the market as much as possible.” I whispered, watching as she moved towards the opposite path and I stood there, waving goodbye, a deep wrench in my heart telling me maybe it was better if I hadn’t seen her today.
“What took you so long? Did you get lost?” Beth asked as Hattie slipped into the kitchen and set down her basket. Mrs. Leyton was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.
“No, I had a little row with the master of the market.” I said steadily, for it wasn’t a complete lie. Mrs. Leyton looked up sharply.
“Now, now, Hattie, don’t go and ruin our reputation of goodness. Beth, you know the drill it’s time to prep for dinner.” She stood up, walked up to her room, and shut the door. Beth instantly flashed me a glance.
“Did you eat before you returned?”
I nodded absently, reminding myself that the apple I had eaten from the basket not long ago was still in my stomach.
The preparation for dinner was harder than I had imagined, with Beth castigating more with every step I did wrong. It wasn’t long before the sun had already set and the master Mr. Leyton had returned home, eyebrows raised as I set the final dish on the table.
“This looks fantastic Beth and Hattie. Children!” He roared at the top of his lungs. “Time for dinner!”
I heard scrambling and squeals as the three youngsters pelted down the stairs followed by Mrs. Leyton. I walked to the side of the kitchen, where I stood silently.
“Papa, where’s Liel? I haven’t seen him around.” Asked Lily.
The name flashed in my memory- of course, the kind man who had brought me here.
“Yes, he’ll be staying at the plantation for the next couple days, Mr. Smith has some trouble and he needs Liel’s help.” Mr. Leyton replied after drinking his cup of wine and I rushed to refill it.
“But why don’t we own our own plantation?” Asked John curiously. “Why do we have to share with other families?”
I was thankful that at least one of the children was as curious as I and more bold than I to ask the question. Mr. Leyton set his cup down and looked at John absently for a while, and then nodded.
“Very well, I guess I will explain since you children are the future masters of the plantation. There is a risk in sharing a plantation with the Smiths and Whites, but it’s a gamble we have to take. The deals I made with the other families ensured that we got a share of the profits while providing the transportation animals.”
“Ooh is that why you always buy those animals papa?” Asked Tommy.
“Very good my boy!” Mr. Leyton said approvingly. “In turn, Mr. Smith provides the space for the plantation itself and the Whites provide the slaves, and Mr. Smith provides a couple of them too.” He paused. “I didn’t want to have to deal with our slaves working in the terrible plantation.”
A sinking feeling grew in my heart, a feeling of guilt since I had hated Mr. Leyton for beating me and taking my family away from me. But one look at Beth and I knew she had understood his intentions immediately and was nodding quietly. I blinked as the Leyton’s continued to eat their dinner, talking about other subjects, but I wasn’t listening. I was thinking that maybe, things were looking up.
Days flew by without warning, time seemingly passing by as if I had been there forever. I hadn’t received any floggings any time after the first, because I was decidedly careful with what I chose to say to the masters. I visited the market several times, but with no luck in seeing my Ma, and after the weeks went by more and more, I found myself forgetting about seeing her.
“I’ve got the eggs.” I said to Beth as I turned up the heat on the oven, cracking open the eggs. Beth busied the table, setting the plates and while the pan was heating up, I got the pitcher of juice and set it near the counter.
“Good morning, girls.” I spun around to see Mr. Leyton enter the dining room.
“Master, it’s not yet time for breakfast.” I said, fearful that we hadn’t woke early enough to prepare.
“Oh, don’t worry about me, I know I woke early.” Mr. Leyton waved his hand at me and dismissed my worries instantly. “I can see you two are finishing up.”
I threw the eggs onto a plate and set it on the table, pleased we had finished in time as Mrs. Leyton stepped into the room.
“Good morning Beth and Hattie, I’ll be out all day until after lunch so mind you take care of the children.”
“Of course, Mrs. Leyton.” Beth responded, and she nodded to me.
“We’ll take good care of them.” I assured. Mrs. Leyton nodded at me and smiled, just as the sound of the children tumbling down the stairs made us all crack a smile on our faces.
“Good morning mom and dad and Beth and Hattie!” John was the first to say, followed by the same chorus from Lily and Tommy.
I stepped forward and grabbed Lily’s cup, pouring her milk and setting it down on the table. She grabbed it eagerly, gulping it down.
“Easy on the milk, Lily!” I said, stifling a laugh as I watched her choke down the white liquid.
“More! More, Hattie!” She yelled, shoving her cup in my face.
“That’s enough Lily, Hattie has to work with John and Tommy, too!” Mrs. Leyton said, grabbing the other pitcher of milk and handing it to Beth.
“Hattie will you come play with us when Mommy leaves? I want to continue the story of the cowboy who captured the princess!” Tommy said, growling at Lily who was pouting.
“Of course darlings, once you finish your work.” I reminded them warmly.
Mrs. Leyton shut the door behind her shortly after breakfast, leaving the emptiness echoing through the hall. I saw Beth emerge from the end of the hall with a giant bucket of soap and water in it, a rag in her other hand.
“But the children…” I said wearily, glancing up at the children’s rooms.
“Don’t worry, Hattie.” Beth said. “You go ahead and work with them, and I’ll mop the hall.” Her gaze hardened with sadness. “After all, they like you better. I’m getting old.”
My heart melted and I stepped forward to take the bucket. “Exactly, you’re getting old, you have to let me do the hard work.”
Beth looked at me, a defeated look in her eyes. “I’m so glad they took you in, Hattie.” She paused. “Tariro, right?”
I flinched, my old name not mentioned for quite some time now.
“I’m just using your old name to let you know that I’m serious when I say you’ve become a good friend.” Beth said, nodding slowly. She started up the stairs, and then paused. “We’ll take turns with cleaning the floors if the days continue on like this.”
As Beth made her way upstairs, I heard the faint complaints of the children wondering where I was, and I smiled. This was what it was like to feel accepted. A distant memory awoke in my mind- my mother being beaten at a post in front of the fields. I shuddered with fear- not a distant memory, a fake memory. I began to wash the floors, the ache in my arms no match for the pain in my mind.
“Time for you to go to the market- we need some poultry this time.” Beth said, handing me the basket. I frowned, looking outside.
“But it’s getting quite late isn’t it? Why didn’t you ask me earlier?”
“You were still cleaning the furniture and I wanted to put the children to bed first before I came down. Besides, you’ll be fine. Just get what you can get with what we have.” Beth said. Weariness covered her eyes and I took the basket, not wanting to argue with her more.
“Of course I’ll go.” I paused with hesitation. “Mrs. Leyton hasn’t come back yet, has she? I’ll keep a look out for her, too.” I put my hand on Beth’s shoulder. “You get some rest.”
Beth blinked. “I can’t go back to the barn until the masters come home, and it looks like both Mr. and Mrs. Leyton plan on staying out tonight.”
My eyebrows furrowed downwards. “Well you stay up till I get home with the poultry and then I’m sending you to rest. I can stay up waiting for the masters fine.” My tone softened. “They’ll be fine with it, really, Beth.”
Beth was far too tired to argue, for she sat at the kitchen table and sipped water from a cup while I stole out of the back door, eyes squinting for the main path. I followed the path to the market quickly, my eyes avoidant of those dawdling. My mind was trained upon how weak Beth had gotten to be and understanding of why Al had asked Liel to buy me finally washed over me. I ran up to the master of the market and asked him for chicken and beef, handing him the pieces of money that Beth had given me. I thrust the meat in my basket and turned to retrieve back to the house when a figure caught my eye and I gasped.
“Ma what are you doing here? It’s late and you should be back at your house-” my words were cut off as my mother grabbed me and tugged me towards the shadows, away from the light of the market. I hugged her instinctively, but the same passion I had when I had first seen her wasn’t there.
“Goodness Tariro, I’ve never gotten a chance to see you since that last time.” Her eyes contained pain. “From now on, we stick together.”
My eyes flared. “What do you mean? I have to get back and give this to Beth and make sure the masters come-”
“Don’t you get it?” Hissed my mother, her eyes a fierce fire blazing in the winter. “We’re leaving. Tonight. There’s nothing that can segregate our family again!”
Panic flew inside me. “But- but,” I searched desperately for an excuse. “But how about Baba and Aspurta? We can’t leave without them!” I whispered, yanking my mother’s oppressive grip from my arm.
There was an uncomfortable silence and I looked up. Suddenly from the shadows to the left of me stepped out two figures and I almost broke with tears.
“Baba!” I whispered fiercely, letting go of my basket and racing into my Baba’s arms as he lifted me up into a hug. All the emotions of pain and love flew into my heart as I held him, hugging him tighter than ever. “And oh- Aspurta!” I embraced my brother, and as I put my arms around him I felt the slightest flinch and I frowned, feeling his back and I shuddered as I felt the roughness of his skin peeling. Emotion clouded my gaze.
“You’ve been beaten.” I whispered.
“We all have.” Baba said, taking my hand in his. “I’ve missed you, my little Tariro.”
“You see, Tariro? We are all gathered here. I managed to get message out to your father and Aspurta. We have to leave.”
“But where would we go?” I asked, clutching my father.
“There’s a path that another slave told me- one that leads north to safety.” My Ma hissed. “We have to leave now, while our masters haven’t arrived home yet.”
I paused, my gaze sweeping from Aspurta to Baba to Ma.
“Can I say goodbye?”
There was an eerie pause from my family members and I saw their blinking eyes turn to me.
“What?” The question came slowly, deliberately from my Baba and I let go of him and grabbed the basket. “Say goodbye? To whom? You stupid girl there isn’t time for goodbye. You tell our plan to anybody and they’ll tattle on us!” He was raging now and I had to step back to stop his thrusting head to hit me.
“But I made a friend- the other slave, you told me Baba, to make friends.” I said, recalling the lesson he taught me.
“You can let her go.” Hissed Ma. “We’ve been beaten and suffering for too long. There’s not another chance for us to meet like this again. We leave tonight. You can come with us or stay and risk being sold again to one master who did this to me.” She spat, turning around and revealing her back.
I took a step back, horrified at the amount of slashes that sat upon her skin- the red marks of blood obvious to anyone’s eye.
“Ma…” I breathed, my voice choking. I looked at the furious glances of my father, mother, and brother, and felt my own heart trembling as I clutched the basket of poultry. Where was Beth, now? Slumped over on the floor, waiting for me to get home so she could rest? What about the children? Waiting for tomorrow for when they could play for me?
“I don’t understand how you could even consider going back to serve those terrible masters.” Spat Baba.
“Well, not all of them are bad.” I defended the Leytons. I paused. “I don’t mind helping the Leyton’s clean the house and all. They let me do less as the days get on and listen to what I actually have to say.” I paused once more letting my thoughts slide on. “They’re almost becoming family.”
I saw the break in my Ma’s face and almost regretted I had said what I did. I prepared myself from Baba’s anger, but none came, so I continued.
“I miss you all like nothing ever,” I breathed. “But I’ve learned that the masters- well, at least my masters and Beth, they depend on me too, and I’ve learned that through hard work and patience, the very qualities that you yourself taught me, that I can craft my life how I want to.”
“You want to spend the rest of your life serving them and washing the floors?” Aspurta said, snorting.
“Maybe I won’t have to, and I’d rather not risk everything on the basis that no one will see my fleeing. And if we’re caught, I’d have to rebuild the relationship I have now with my masters.” There was a pause and just then I noticed how much time had passed. “I have to go now,” I said hastily. “I promise I will always love you all. You will always be my family.”
Tears glistened my Ma’s face and I reached down to hug them all once last time, my heart weary with guilt and sadness as I watched them scramble through the bushes.
“Goodbye, Tariro. Remember, your family is always with you. Never forget. When this war is over, we will come find you, okay?” The familiar words echoed from the darkness and with a heavy heart, I smiled.
“I love you, Baba.”
I trudged home with heavy feet, my head hung downwards and the basket down by my side. Tears were lining the edge of my eyes as I stood outside our house and blinked inside at the lights that turned on. Sighing, I brought myself up to the first step and sat there. Looking down at my own palms, that were once smooth and shiny and were now tough and coarse from the work I had been doing, I asked myself if I had made the right choice.
I looked up, hearing the sound of the front door slam and saw Mrs. Leyton coming out from the house. I dried my eyes and observed her as she came to sit next to me, and for a while there was just silence and the wind blowing in our hair.
“Beth told me you went to the market.” She said, gesturing at the poultry. I nodded slowly, mind distant. “Did something happen?”
I looked at her. “Mrs. Leyton-”
“Call me Abby.” She said gently, putting her arm around me. “You’re almost like my own daughter now. Tell me what happened.”
I almost choked as I heard the word daughter from her lips and I felt tears sprouting against my eyes. I couldn’t betray my family.
“I just- I went to the market and saw my mom there and-” I couldn’t continue before I burst into silent tears. I felt Mrs. Leyton stroke me.
“She asked you to come with her, didn’t she? I know the stories. I hear them every day. But Hattie, look at me.” Mrs. Leyton held my chin in her hands. “We are so proud of you for becoming part of our family and we know you would stay true to us. I promise you we will never give you away. Hattie, we love you.”
I stood up, shaking and walked away not saying a word. My heart was throbbing; torn in two and I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing as I walked towards the barn and shut myself in my stall and let sleep overwhelm me.
“I’m sorry Beth,” I muttered drowsily. “I’m afraid I just can’t help you today.”
The sun dawned against the wood of the shed and I raised my head, eyes blinking away the crust of tears that formed against my skin. I gasped, scrambling to my feet when I realized that Beth had not come to wake me to prepare the masters’ breakfast and guilt flooded me. I pelted towards the house, fear clutching inside of me. Would today mark another beating session? I opened the door and walked in on Mrs. and Mr. Leyton already seated at the dining table and Beth finishing the setting of the table. I could see the children just getting out of bed from the corner of my eye and I walked in, expecting Mr. Leyton to start lecturing me. Instead, my two masters looked up.
“Morning, Hattie.” Mr. Leyton said. “Why don’t you and Beth join us for breakfast today instead of waiting till we all leave to eat?”
I took the basket of bread at the counter and took it to the table while taking a seat at one of the empty chairs.
“The children will be down before soon.” Mrs. Leyton said. She looked at me. “How are you feeling, Hattie?”
I looked at her, and then across at Mr. Leyton and Beth.
“I’ll be fine.” I took some bread and felt the sweet taste fill my mouth and as we all heard the noises of the children rambling downstairs, fake smiles lighting up on all our faces as another day progressed.
Al left after breakfast to visit the plantation, but before he left he told me that he would try and reason with Smith and White to try and beat their slaves as little as possible, and the little seedling of hope grew inside me. I helped Beth with cleaning the dishes, and she explained to me that the Leyton’s had cleared up one of the rooms upstairs and that we would be sleeping up there from now on, in the house.
“But I don’t want them to change how they treat us just because of the incident that I almost ran away.” I told Beth, anger surging through me. “I want to know that they did it without knowing they might have lost me.”
“But they did.” Beth said, tone gentle. “Al and Abby had decided all the decisions before they saw you coming home. I guess it was a change in mind after a while of you staying here already and the acceptance the children have given you.”
“Well they didn’t change their mind when they got you for a while.” I pointed out.
“There was another one of us.” Beth paused, her hands under the running water of the sink. “Another slave. He was strong, and they brought him back and forth between the plantation and the house, but after the deals changed with Smith and White he just stayed in the house mostly and he was arrogant and sly.” Beth swallowed, almost in fear. “The masters made him stay in the barn, but once he tried to escape and they caught him and he attacked the children-” Beth broke off, heaving with the memories of her past. She swallowed and looked up. “That’s why when Al said to buy a new slave, the children- we, were all weary of everyone’s actions, and that’s why Al was so intent on breaking you in early.” She continued to whisper. “The children still have nightmares.”
I nodded, now comprehending the masters’ harsh actions when I first arrived. “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on leaving any time soon.”
Beth’s eyes glazed with relief and I smiled, walking into the living room and sitting on the couch, thoughts processing through my mind.
The meaning of family had changed through the course of the separation of my Ma, Baba, and Aspurta. I didn’t lie when I said I will always love them, but I realized that sometimes, family isn’t always blood. It’s those you love, those who matter to you, and those who care for you back. The Leyton’s have shown me that, although not from the start, but they are also family now. Desperation changed my real family- they weren’t who I knew and I realized that not all masters were like my masters, but to give up the relationship I built for the risk of running away?
I looked over where I was sitting at Beth, her tireless hands working away and knew there was no way I was leaving my newly crafted family. Because like my old family, these people who I loved mattered to me now, too.
I was led into what I assume was the kitchen, since there were heating devices.
“Sit.” He commanded, and I did so, the words of my father echoing in his head. “I am not your master.”
I looked up, my face probably showing him how alarmed I was.
“Don’t worry, the master isn’t home yet, but he sent me to find him a capable slave for working in the house.” He paused. “Do you understand?”
“Yes.” I said. My heart beat relaxed a little, seeing as he was in no intention of beginning to beat me on my first day here. “Please, sir,” I whispered, forgetting the rule of not speaking unless being spoken to. “May I have a cup of water?”
“No.”
My head snapped in the direction of the entrance and I stood and bowed my head, not even seeing who came in, but it was the new comer who refused me water in which I had been denied of for hours. The man who had brought me here said nothing about the denial, but addressed the newcomer.
“Mrs. Leyton. This is the slave I have bought for Al.”
My eyes lifted the slightest, just so I could have caught the shoes this Mrs. Leyton wore. Obviously the mistress of the house, her shoes were probably made of lace of the finest material.
“Yes, I see that.” She snapped. “Bring her to the ware house and don’t you ever let her in my kitchen again unless she’s on duty, do you understand Liel? Also, don’t let the children see her until Al approves of her.”
Liel nodded. “Of course Mrs. Leyton. Come on, Tariro.” He gently pulled my rope and led me out of the grand house and into the shed nearby, the stench of horses and cattle filling my nose. He opened an empty stall and lead me in it, hay piled in the corner. Pausing, he looked at me, and I met his gaze steadily, fear clutching within me.
“You won’t run, will you?”
I could feel the sores on my wrists from the rope start to burn through my skin, so I shook my head no, and to my relief he untied the rope from my hands. When he left, I sat on top of the hay silently, all emotion drained from me that I couldn’t even bring myself to cry.
A shadow fell over me and my skin shivered, the bumps I frequently know crawled up my every body part. It was so silent; I could hear my own heart beating and the breath of the man who stood beyond the stall.
He’s not expecting me to wait till he says anything. He knows I’m not asleep. I paused, fingers turning icy cold. Be strong. An image of my father flashed through my head in a blink and swept into the back part of my brain, but it was enough to make me dig my nails deep into my coarse skin- my nails which hadn’t been cut in so long.
Without shaking, I stood quietly and turned to face my master, still standing there. Of course, I didn’t meet him in the eye. Like a horse, meeting it in the eye would bring him a challenge, and I was intent on making a ‘good’ first impression as a slave. ‘
“Yes, master?” I asked softly. My throat burned, but water was the last item on my mind now.
I felt a cold smile crack on my master- a satisfaction I would have to get used to.
“Good, you’re learning well.” He turned sharply as he entered the stall and grabbed my wrists, yanking ropes on them- ropes that had blistered my wrists before. Then, thrusting me to the side, he tossed the rope around the wooden pole of the stall and pushed me to my knees.
I knew also I would have to get used to this.
I could almost already feel the crack of the whip sinking into my skin. I could hear a chuckle from behind me and gritted my teeth together. But nothing came.
“You will address me master after every sentence, understand? You know English, yes?”
“Yes, master.” I knew the masters tended to find any excuse to bring down their rope.
No. Not today.
“Good. A few rules, and a few questions. Your name is now changed to Hattie Leyton. You will wake before dawn and work with Beth till the sun sets. You will retrieve back to the stables. You will listen to whatever Mrs. Leyton or me says if you disobey you will retrieve here and immediately be beaten. Do you understand?”
There was a deathly silence as I processed the information slowly.
“Master…”
I bit my tongue; let the rage fuel through me. I felt a pause from behind me and felt radiating heat of interest.
“Yes, Hattie?”
I closed my eyes. My name was Tariro, and I wanted to keep that with me, forever. But I knew one word from me and I would experience the crack of the rope. I have never experienced that, not even on the day they came to take us. Baba had told me immediately upon their arrival to do anything they said, since we all knew English. He was protecting me from feeling pain.
Let it go, Tariro, I told myself. It’s just a name.
“Nothing, master.” I let my thick accent roll into the silence. I felt happy with my control over myself.
“Very good. Few more things. You will get a change of clothes soon and shower, if you wish, with the dogs.” He paused. “We are not cruel masters, Hattie, we are some of the kindest compared to the others. We just want to do what’s collectively best for the nation. We are your family now forever, and you ought to start good by listening to us, unlike Beth who had to be broken the hard way. This is the hierarchy of society, Hattie. Masters on top, slaves at the bottom. Be a good slave, and your life will not be as they have told you.” His tone had softened near the end, and I could hear sentiment crawling through his lecture, but I had stopped listening from one word.
“Family?” I whispered softly, daring to break the impalpable silence.
“Yes…” the master said, his answer differing from his previous ones. “Yes. You are now part of our family, and I will not have you embarrass us.”
I felt my bones shaking with fear and my mind swinging with rage.
“No.”
It came out before I wanted it to and I bit my tongue hard, ignoring the sear of pain that swept up my nerves.
“What?” A cold tone crept on the master.
I closed my eyes. You idiot, I told myself. You idiot. But I would not let him get away with this.
“Master, sit, you must understand. You all are not my family. My true family has been whipped away from me. My family will never be in the hearts of those who choose to cast me downwards.”
I knew it was coming, and oh… how it hurt. I knew that my master’s heart was weak and could only deal with his problems with seeing others suffer.
I felt the coarseness of the rope meet my back, the thinness of my clothes no protection to the digging of the rope through my hard skin, scraping at the thin layer of skin I had. I could smell my blood after the third hit and I knew my tears were coming. I clenched my fists to keep from crying out, the agony shooting past my body and I yearned to scream, to last out.
But I held still. I had chosen to speak out, and I must accept my consequences. And through lal the pain, I felt the cell of happiness because I had spoken the truth and after renaming me, there was nothing that could let me get away with this.
Master stopped after a while, probably sensing the amount of pain I was in. Even he was breathing hard, but I was silent, holding in my cries desperately and feeling the blood trickle on my back.
“Hattie, you must forget who you were and accept who you are. Hattie Leyton. You are part of the Leyton family.”
And that sentence just broke me, and I collapsed from the inside, sobs filling the stall. The master got what he wanted- a broken slave. Because I knew if I said no, that I wasn’t Hattie Leyton, I would be here all night with pools of blood. And the events of the day just had built inside of me, and telling me my family was gone forever, I was alone.
And I don’t think my father would approve of me being weak and drinking myself in my sorrows, but I’m sorry Baba, I would have to disappoint.
And my master stood and watched me, and after a while, he just left. Satisfied, I guess, with how I was broken.
The cold water splashed on my back and I cringed, and as it shut off I could feel the water trickle into the cracks of my back, seething at remembering the whips on my back. I stood up, shivering, and I felt cloth slam into my body, my hands instinctively coming up to catch it.
“Put it on, will ya? And hurry up about it, we’ve got work to do and little time.”
Beth was a round woman with crinkles that furrowed her face into a nasty scowl all the time. I was hoping, from my father’s rules, to make friends with her, but she seemed avoidant of my questions about her history. I threw on the fresh dress and we relieved that the quality wasn’t bad.
“My name’s Ta-” I paused. “Hattie.”
“Yes, I know.” Beth said, scowling at me once again. “Of course I know who you are.” She eyed me carefully. “They think I’m getting old, the masters, so they bring in a young and fresh slave to replace me. Huh!” She started to drag me toward the house from the yard, mumbling as we walked.
We walked in from the back door, making sure to wear our clean slippers in the house and keeping our voices hushed. The tasks, Beth told me, before any of the masters were awake were to prepare breakfast.
“But I don’t know how to cook.” I whispered to her.
Instantly I wish I had never said those words, for upon saying them Beth had drew her hand back and slapped me on the cheek, my skin burning from the pain and from embarrassment.
“You’ll learn from me, obviously.” She snapped, opening a few drawers and taking out pans and silverware. “For the first days, you watch me cook. Then you pick up. For now, you do the basics like setting the table and such. Well, go on!” She hissed.
I blinked, staring at the empty table in the foyer and I looked back.
“Miss Beth, I’m not sure what you mean by set the table.”
I stood to the side of the wall silently while I heard my masters conversing at the table, forks clinging against the plates as they filled their stomachs full of the wonderful smelling eggs and bacon that Beth had cooked up this morning. She had taught me how to set the table, unhappily, and I had learned, willingly. I was determined not to make myself a burden upon her.
“Hey Papa, what’s that nigger doing standing there? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her around.”
I didn’t lift my head, but I knew who was talking- the youngest child of the Leytons.
“Oh Tommy boy, she’s the newest member of the family. Ya’ll call her Hattie, alright?”
“Yes Papa.” Came a chorus of the children.
“But Papa, that nigger look skinny. She look sad.”
“Tommy, I told you to call that girl Hattie, alright?”
I lifted my eyes the slightest and could see the muscles of tension bunch up in Mrs. Leyton as Mr. Leyton eyed Tommy. Tommy was looking curiously at me and a bit of me urged to smile at him faintly.
“Now Tommy,” continued Mr. Leyton. “Remember when Beth came to us? She was skinny and sad too, remember? Now what does she look like?”
Tommy giggled. “Beth is the best!” He laughed as Beth tickled him in the stomach and the Leyton’s chuckled.
“That’s right, we love Beth.” Mr. Leyton continued. “Beth, get us some bread from the pantry, will you?”
“Yes, master.”
Her voice was filled with warmth and kindness, something that wasn’t there when she was talking to me.
“Papa, we already have Beth, we do we need that other nigger?”
“Tommy!” Roared Mr. Leyton, slamming his fist onto the table and I jumped, looking down at the ground again as panic fled into me. What was I to do? Beth was gone. “I told you. Hattie. And Hattie is here to help Beth.”
“That’s enough, Al.” Mrs. Leyton said, putting a hand on her husband to calm him, and Mr. Leyton sat down again.
“Hattie, bring us some more milk, will you?”
I blinked, feeling my pulse rush up again as I scanned the counter for the milk and carried it over to the table, eyes scanning the cups of milk for the three children. I noticed that the amount of milk in the young girl’s cup was dwindling and reached to pour more into it.
Right as I picked up the cup to pour more milk into it, the girl, Lila, let out a screech and I jumped, the cup falling from my hand. Panic flooded me as I maintained control of the milk jug and stooped to pick up the cup that had fallen on the table. When I touched it again, Lila screamed again and I retracted, heat flooding my face.
“Don’t touch my cup!” Lila screamed.
“That’s enough, Lila.” Mrs. Leyton said harshly to her daughter. “That’s enough as well, Hattie, set the jug down at the edge of the table.”
Hands shaking, I set the jug on the table just as Beth returned from the pantry with a basketful of bread. I was frantic, wondering if I should retrieve to the stables to be beaten, but none of the masters said anything.
“Beth, will you please refill the children’s’ cups with milk?”
“Of course, ma’am.” Beth said, picking up Lila’s cup and pouring milk in it.
I blinked slowly, noticing that Mr. Leyton was watching me, eyes narrowed. He raised his eyebrows at me challenging.
He’s showing me. The hierarchy of acceptance. They are a family, I’m not part of it yet.
And then a surge of anger came over me. If they didn’t want me part of their family, then why did Mr. Leyton beat me half to death yesterday? How dare he go against his word. Does he want me to be a part of their family, or not?
I sat on the floor, dipping in the rag into the bucket of soap and spilling it all over the floor, sweat dripping across my face as I scrubbed the floor clean.
“That’s it, Hattie, you’re doing well.”
I smiled to myself, a flame of hope lighting inside my chest as I heard Beth praise me. She sat across the hall in the entrances, scrubbing the floor herself.
I looked up as I heard the sound of high heels scratching the surface of the floor. Mrs. Leyton entered the room and looked at me carefully, and then across at Beth.
“Beth!” Mrs. Leyton called. “You know the routine, I’m out to lunch with friends soon. Take care of the children when I’m gone.” She paused. “Let Hattie work with them too.” She turned her head to look at me, and I met her gaze back, feeling a bit less threatened with Mrs. Leyton. “How are you doing Hattie? First day?” She asked quietly.
I blinked slowly. “I’m alright, Mrs. Leyton.” My back ached from the beating of last night and my heart was torn apart in fragments from the thought of my family miles away from me, but I knew this all could not be said.
“That’s good.” She said. “Don’t mess around with my children. Listen to Beth, alright?”
I nodded carefully, and Mrs. Leyton disappeared around the corner of the door.
“Beth, when do we get lunch?” I asked her across the hall, my stomach rumbling after the small bite of bread I had this morning. Beth looked up.
“Well, we don’t really get lunch if you call it that. But I always get some bread when the children are napping in the afternoon if Mrs. Leyton doesn’t come home by then.”
I swallowed, grinding my teeth together to hold back the tears that longed to fall.
“Alright Hattie, if you’ve finished the kitchen floor go ahead and dump the rest of the soap down the sink and we’ll let the floors dry.” Beth said, standing up to dump her bucket down the sink first. “Mrs. Leyton usually goes somewhere during lunch and when she does, the children are left in our charge since Mr. Al is away on the shared plantation. Now, all we have to do is keep the children entertained for a while, and then make them do their studies.”
I looked up at Beth sharply. “Entertained?”
Beth looked sideways at me and rolled her eyes. “Gosh Hattie, you’ll be fine. C’mon now, pick yourself up.”
I stood up and washed my hands, feeling fatigue already wash over my body as I followed Beth upstairs.
We entered the children’s room and I peered at the young kids as they were sitting on the ground, hands wrapped around some dolls. When we came in, they looked up- startled.
“Beth!” Yelled Tommy. “Beth has come to play with us again!”
My eyes scanned the other two children- Lily and the younger boy, John.
“Yes, that’s right.” Beth said warmly, stooping to sit next to the children. “Me and Hattie have come to play with you.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the room.
“But we don’t want to play with Hattie, Beth.” Lily said quietly. “We only have fun with you.”
“I don’t want her touching my dolls.” John said sourly, clutching his cowboy to his stomach.
A deep feeling sank within me. “I won’t touch them, I’ll just play along with the story.” I said softly to them.
Lily blinked slowly, observing me carefully, but the boys wouldn’t even begin to consider it.
“Beth, I don’t want to play anymore.”
“Can we just go straight to nap?” John asked quietly.
Beth gave me a look, and then back at the children.
“You will have to learn to accept Hattie. Lily, give your doll to Hattie.”
Lily looked flustered at being called out and looked at me, then back at Beth. I sighed and stood up, beginning to leave.
“Here.”
Her voice was trembling, but I heard Lily herself say it to me and I turned around, my face softening as I saw her reach up with her doll towards me. I walked over and slowly took it, my black hands meeting her white ones. I gently lay the doll in my arms and rocked it back and forth, seeing the fake plaster of the smile sewed in on the doll’s face, and I couldn’t help but notice that the doll was similar to me. Fake, and unreal, living in a house it probably didn’t want to live with owners that they were forced upon. And I let Lily have her doll back, unharmed. I looked steadily at John and Tommy, but they said nothing, clutching their cowboys away. Beth met my gaze and her look softened.
“Don’t worry children, I’ll play with you.”
I sat in the corner of the room, away from the children and Beth and watched their interactions. It was awhile before Beth finished with the children and tucked them inside their beds, enough time for my stomach to remind me that I hadn’t had lunch yet.
“Hattie, why don’t you take the basket downstairs and the spare change in the jar and get some fruit and vegetables for dinner? If you have any trouble, just ask some neighbors and tell them you’re part of the Leyton family.” She paused. “You can take one and eat it before you come home, but remember to pay for it.”
I nodded, glad for the excuse to remove myself from the children’s presence. I scrambled outside, grabbing the basket and spare change with me and tripping my way up the main path in the direction of the market. I looked around steadily at the houses next to me- some slaves looked up hastily from where they were working, but didn’t say much as I passed. I reached the market, steadying myself as I saw the eyes of the white men gaze over my body. I nimbly picked out the fruit I thought that were among the best, slowly taking my pick.
“Watch it!” Hissed a voice, and my arm was caught and flung back, bringing myself eye to eye with a white master, the master of the market I assumed, since his eyes were blazing with fury. “What you touch you get.” He snapped, thrusting his hand out to the two peaches I had tested for juiciness earlier, and dropping them in the basket. “And it’s what you pay for.”
I gulped steadily, using only my eyes at the next stand to survey. My mind was already drifting further ahead to the reaction of the masters when I brought home the food and they saw the low quality. What would they do- beat me?
I shopped until I had little money to spare and the basket was full- and at this time the sun was near the end of the skies and I knew it was time for me to get back to the master’s house else they thought I had run away. My head down after paying the master, I watched my own feet shuffle their own way to the path, and I had walked a couple of paces when suddenly a rough hand grabbed my shoulder and shoved me to the side.
I gasped sharply, yanking the basket upwards from the ground as I stumbled to the side.
Keep going and look down. I told myself carefully, not meeting eyes with the stranger until I looked forward and noticed that the stranger who had shoved me had feet.
Black feet.
I looked up slowly and relief fled into my heart- it gushed all at once mixed with pain and an unmeasurable amount of love.
“Tariro?” The lady gasped, eyes wide with question and thought.
“Ma.” I burst out, letting go of the basket and rushing forward to embrace her in a hug. We released and I stepped back, surveying her treatment. Obviously she was emaciated with her hands rough from work, and her bones were outlined, her face sagging with a dead and pale look. “Ma…” I whispered again, choking on my words.
“Tariro…” My mother looked around hastily, and pulled me aside. “Let’s get into the side before the white masters of the market see us and think we’re planning something.”
I followed her with my basket to the side of the road where we weren’t obviously seen.
“Where do you live?” She questioned immediately. “How our your masters?”
“Down the road- and they’re fine.” My eyebrows furrowed with worry. “You look terrible…”
My mother smiled grimly. “I have to work in the fields sometimes. It’s a long journey from the market to where I’ve been put.” There was a silence.
“Any idea where Baba or Aspurta are?” I asked, referring to my brother by his name, something that we rarely did.
“None.” My mother said grimly.
I paused, hesitating. “I have to go soon, my masters will think I’ve run off.”
My mom nodded, understanding. “I don’t come to the market often.” She paused and nodded slowly, a painful look spreading across her face.
“I want to get the family back together, someday and somehow.” My mother said, and a deep pang shot my heart.
“Ma…”
“I don’t care what it takes.” Hissed my mother, standing with her own basket of goods. She kissed me on the forehead. “I miss you Tariro, may the winds of luck carry you till the next time we meet.”
“I’ll try and come to the market as much as possible.” I whispered, watching as she moved towards the opposite path and I stood there, waving goodbye, a deep wrench in my heart telling me maybe it was better if I hadn’t seen her today.
“What took you so long? Did you get lost?” Beth asked as Hattie slipped into the kitchen and set down her basket. Mrs. Leyton was sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.
“No, I had a little row with the master of the market.” I said steadily, for it wasn’t a complete lie. Mrs. Leyton looked up sharply.
“Now, now, Hattie, don’t go and ruin our reputation of goodness. Beth, you know the drill it’s time to prep for dinner.” She stood up, walked up to her room, and shut the door. Beth instantly flashed me a glance.
“Did you eat before you returned?”
I nodded absently, reminding myself that the apple I had eaten from the basket not long ago was still in my stomach.
The preparation for dinner was harder than I had imagined, with Beth castigating more with every step I did wrong. It wasn’t long before the sun had already set and the master Mr. Leyton had returned home, eyebrows raised as I set the final dish on the table.
“This looks fantastic Beth and Hattie. Children!” He roared at the top of his lungs. “Time for dinner!”
I heard scrambling and squeals as the three youngsters pelted down the stairs followed by Mrs. Leyton. I walked to the side of the kitchen, where I stood silently.
“Papa, where’s Liel? I haven’t seen him around.” Asked Lily.
The name flashed in my memory- of course, the kind man who had brought me here.
“Yes, he’ll be staying at the plantation for the next couple days, Mr. Smith has some trouble and he needs Liel’s help.” Mr. Leyton replied after drinking his cup of wine and I rushed to refill it.
“But why don’t we own our own plantation?” Asked John curiously. “Why do we have to share with other families?”
I was thankful that at least one of the children was as curious as I and more bold than I to ask the question. Mr. Leyton set his cup down and looked at John absently for a while, and then nodded.
“Very well, I guess I will explain since you children are the future masters of the plantation. There is a risk in sharing a plantation with the Smiths and Whites, but it’s a gamble we have to take. The deals I made with the other families ensured that we got a share of the profits while providing the transportation animals.”
“Ooh is that why you always buy those animals papa?” Asked Tommy.
“Very good my boy!” Mr. Leyton said approvingly. “In turn, Mr. Smith provides the space for the plantation itself and the Whites provide the slaves, and Mr. Smith provides a couple of them too.” He paused. “I didn’t want to have to deal with our slaves working in the terrible plantation.”
A sinking feeling grew in my heart, a feeling of guilt since I had hated Mr. Leyton for beating me and taking my family away from me. But one look at Beth and I knew she had understood his intentions immediately and was nodding quietly. I blinked as the Leyton’s continued to eat their dinner, talking about other subjects, but I wasn’t listening. I was thinking that maybe, things were looking up.
Days flew by without warning, time seemingly passing by as if I had been there forever. I hadn’t received any floggings any time after the first, because I was decidedly careful with what I chose to say to the masters. I visited the market several times, but with no luck in seeing my Ma, and after the weeks went by more and more, I found myself forgetting about seeing her.
“I’ve got the eggs.” I said to Beth as I turned up the heat on the oven, cracking open the eggs. Beth busied the table, setting the plates and while the pan was heating up, I got the pitcher of juice and set it near the counter.
“Good morning, girls.” I spun around to see Mr. Leyton enter the dining room.
“Master, it’s not yet time for breakfast.” I said, fearful that we hadn’t woke early enough to prepare.
“Oh, don’t worry about me, I know I woke early.” Mr. Leyton waved his hand at me and dismissed my worries instantly. “I can see you two are finishing up.”
I threw the eggs onto a plate and set it on the table, pleased we had finished in time as Mrs. Leyton stepped into the room.
“Good morning Beth and Hattie, I’ll be out all day until after lunch so mind you take care of the children.”
“Of course, Mrs. Leyton.” Beth responded, and she nodded to me.
“We’ll take good care of them.” I assured. Mrs. Leyton nodded at me and smiled, just as the sound of the children tumbling down the stairs made us all crack a smile on our faces.
“Good morning mom and dad and Beth and Hattie!” John was the first to say, followed by the same chorus from Lily and Tommy.
I stepped forward and grabbed Lily’s cup, pouring her milk and setting it down on the table. She grabbed it eagerly, gulping it down.
“Easy on the milk, Lily!” I said, stifling a laugh as I watched her choke down the white liquid.
“More! More, Hattie!” She yelled, shoving her cup in my face.
“That’s enough Lily, Hattie has to work with John and Tommy, too!” Mrs. Leyton said, grabbing the other pitcher of milk and handing it to Beth.
“Hattie will you come play with us when Mommy leaves? I want to continue the story of the cowboy who captured the princess!” Tommy said, growling at Lily who was pouting.
“Of course darlings, once you finish your work.” I reminded them warmly.
Mrs. Leyton shut the door behind her shortly after breakfast, leaving the emptiness echoing through the hall. I saw Beth emerge from the end of the hall with a giant bucket of soap and water in it, a rag in her other hand.
“But the children…” I said wearily, glancing up at the children’s rooms.
“Don’t worry, Hattie.” Beth said. “You go ahead and work with them, and I’ll mop the hall.” Her gaze hardened with sadness. “After all, they like you better. I’m getting old.”
My heart melted and I stepped forward to take the bucket. “Exactly, you’re getting old, you have to let me do the hard work.”
Beth looked at me, a defeated look in her eyes. “I’m so glad they took you in, Hattie.” She paused. “Tariro, right?”
I flinched, my old name not mentioned for quite some time now.
“I’m just using your old name to let you know that I’m serious when I say you’ve become a good friend.” Beth said, nodding slowly. She started up the stairs, and then paused. “We’ll take turns with cleaning the floors if the days continue on like this.”
As Beth made her way upstairs, I heard the faint complaints of the children wondering where I was, and I smiled. This was what it was like to feel accepted. A distant memory awoke in my mind- my mother being beaten at a post in front of the fields. I shuddered with fear- not a distant memory, a fake memory. I began to wash the floors, the ache in my arms no match for the pain in my mind.
“Time for you to go to the market- we need some poultry this time.” Beth said, handing me the basket. I frowned, looking outside.
“But it’s getting quite late isn’t it? Why didn’t you ask me earlier?”
“You were still cleaning the furniture and I wanted to put the children to bed first before I came down. Besides, you’ll be fine. Just get what you can get with what we have.” Beth said. Weariness covered her eyes and I took the basket, not wanting to argue with her more.
“Of course I’ll go.” I paused with hesitation. “Mrs. Leyton hasn’t come back yet, has she? I’ll keep a look out for her, too.” I put my hand on Beth’s shoulder. “You get some rest.”
Beth blinked. “I can’t go back to the barn until the masters come home, and it looks like both Mr. and Mrs. Leyton plan on staying out tonight.”
My eyebrows furrowed downwards. “Well you stay up till I get home with the poultry and then I’m sending you to rest. I can stay up waiting for the masters fine.” My tone softened. “They’ll be fine with it, really, Beth.”
Beth was far too tired to argue, for she sat at the kitchen table and sipped water from a cup while I stole out of the back door, eyes squinting for the main path. I followed the path to the market quickly, my eyes avoidant of those dawdling. My mind was trained upon how weak Beth had gotten to be and understanding of why Al had asked Liel to buy me finally washed over me. I ran up to the master of the market and asked him for chicken and beef, handing him the pieces of money that Beth had given me. I thrust the meat in my basket and turned to retrieve back to the house when a figure caught my eye and I gasped.
“Ma what are you doing here? It’s late and you should be back at your house-” my words were cut off as my mother grabbed me and tugged me towards the shadows, away from the light of the market. I hugged her instinctively, but the same passion I had when I had first seen her wasn’t there.
“Goodness Tariro, I’ve never gotten a chance to see you since that last time.” Her eyes contained pain. “From now on, we stick together.”
My eyes flared. “What do you mean? I have to get back and give this to Beth and make sure the masters come-”
“Don’t you get it?” Hissed my mother, her eyes a fierce fire blazing in the winter. “We’re leaving. Tonight. There’s nothing that can segregate our family again!”
Panic flew inside me. “But- but,” I searched desperately for an excuse. “But how about Baba and Aspurta? We can’t leave without them!” I whispered, yanking my mother’s oppressive grip from my arm.
There was an uncomfortable silence and I looked up. Suddenly from the shadows to the left of me stepped out two figures and I almost broke with tears.
“Baba!” I whispered fiercely, letting go of my basket and racing into my Baba’s arms as he lifted me up into a hug. All the emotions of pain and love flew into my heart as I held him, hugging him tighter than ever. “And oh- Aspurta!” I embraced my brother, and as I put my arms around him I felt the slightest flinch and I frowned, feeling his back and I shuddered as I felt the roughness of his skin peeling. Emotion clouded my gaze.
“You’ve been beaten.” I whispered.
“We all have.” Baba said, taking my hand in his. “I’ve missed you, my little Tariro.”
“You see, Tariro? We are all gathered here. I managed to get message out to your father and Aspurta. We have to leave.”
“But where would we go?” I asked, clutching my father.
“There’s a path that another slave told me- one that leads north to safety.” My Ma hissed. “We have to leave now, while our masters haven’t arrived home yet.”
I paused, my gaze sweeping from Aspurta to Baba to Ma.
“Can I say goodbye?”
There was an eerie pause from my family members and I saw their blinking eyes turn to me.
“What?” The question came slowly, deliberately from my Baba and I let go of him and grabbed the basket. “Say goodbye? To whom? You stupid girl there isn’t time for goodbye. You tell our plan to anybody and they’ll tattle on us!” He was raging now and I had to step back to stop his thrusting head to hit me.
“But I made a friend- the other slave, you told me Baba, to make friends.” I said, recalling the lesson he taught me.
“You can let her go.” Hissed Ma. “We’ve been beaten and suffering for too long. There’s not another chance for us to meet like this again. We leave tonight. You can come with us or stay and risk being sold again to one master who did this to me.” She spat, turning around and revealing her back.
I took a step back, horrified at the amount of slashes that sat upon her skin- the red marks of blood obvious to anyone’s eye.
“Ma…” I breathed, my voice choking. I looked at the furious glances of my father, mother, and brother, and felt my own heart trembling as I clutched the basket of poultry. Where was Beth, now? Slumped over on the floor, waiting for me to get home so she could rest? What about the children? Waiting for tomorrow for when they could play for me?
“I don’t understand how you could even consider going back to serve those terrible masters.” Spat Baba.
“Well, not all of them are bad.” I defended the Leytons. I paused. “I don’t mind helping the Leyton’s clean the house and all. They let me do less as the days get on and listen to what I actually have to say.” I paused once more letting my thoughts slide on. “They’re almost becoming family.”
I saw the break in my Ma’s face and almost regretted I had said what I did. I prepared myself from Baba’s anger, but none came, so I continued.
“I miss you all like nothing ever,” I breathed. “But I’ve learned that the masters- well, at least my masters and Beth, they depend on me too, and I’ve learned that through hard work and patience, the very qualities that you yourself taught me, that I can craft my life how I want to.”
“You want to spend the rest of your life serving them and washing the floors?” Aspurta said, snorting.
“Maybe I won’t have to, and I’d rather not risk everything on the basis that no one will see my fleeing. And if we’re caught, I’d have to rebuild the relationship I have now with my masters.” There was a pause and just then I noticed how much time had passed. “I have to go now,” I said hastily. “I promise I will always love you all. You will always be my family.”
Tears glistened my Ma’s face and I reached down to hug them all once last time, my heart weary with guilt and sadness as I watched them scramble through the bushes.
“Goodbye, Tariro. Remember, your family is always with you. Never forget. When this war is over, we will come find you, okay?” The familiar words echoed from the darkness and with a heavy heart, I smiled.
“I love you, Baba.”
I trudged home with heavy feet, my head hung downwards and the basket down by my side. Tears were lining the edge of my eyes as I stood outside our house and blinked inside at the lights that turned on. Sighing, I brought myself up to the first step and sat there. Looking down at my own palms, that were once smooth and shiny and were now tough and coarse from the work I had been doing, I asked myself if I had made the right choice.
I looked up, hearing the sound of the front door slam and saw Mrs. Leyton coming out from the house. I dried my eyes and observed her as she came to sit next to me, and for a while there was just silence and the wind blowing in our hair.
“Beth told me you went to the market.” She said, gesturing at the poultry. I nodded slowly, mind distant. “Did something happen?”
I looked at her. “Mrs. Leyton-”
“Call me Abby.” She said gently, putting her arm around me. “You’re almost like my own daughter now. Tell me what happened.”
I almost choked as I heard the word daughter from her lips and I felt tears sprouting against my eyes. I couldn’t betray my family.
“I just- I went to the market and saw my mom there and-” I couldn’t continue before I burst into silent tears. I felt Mrs. Leyton stroke me.
“She asked you to come with her, didn’t she? I know the stories. I hear them every day. But Hattie, look at me.” Mrs. Leyton held my chin in her hands. “We are so proud of you for becoming part of our family and we know you would stay true to us. I promise you we will never give you away. Hattie, we love you.”
I stood up, shaking and walked away not saying a word. My heart was throbbing; torn in two and I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing as I walked towards the barn and shut myself in my stall and let sleep overwhelm me.
“I’m sorry Beth,” I muttered drowsily. “I’m afraid I just can’t help you today.”
The sun dawned against the wood of the shed and I raised my head, eyes blinking away the crust of tears that formed against my skin. I gasped, scrambling to my feet when I realized that Beth had not come to wake me to prepare the masters’ breakfast and guilt flooded me. I pelted towards the house, fear clutching inside of me. Would today mark another beating session? I opened the door and walked in on Mrs. and Mr. Leyton already seated at the dining table and Beth finishing the setting of the table. I could see the children just getting out of bed from the corner of my eye and I walked in, expecting Mr. Leyton to start lecturing me. Instead, my two masters looked up.
“Morning, Hattie.” Mr. Leyton said. “Why don’t you and Beth join us for breakfast today instead of waiting till we all leave to eat?”
I took the basket of bread at the counter and took it to the table while taking a seat at one of the empty chairs.
“The children will be down before soon.” Mrs. Leyton said. She looked at me. “How are you feeling, Hattie?”
I looked at her, and then across at Mr. Leyton and Beth.
“I’ll be fine.” I took some bread and felt the sweet taste fill my mouth and as we all heard the noises of the children rambling downstairs, fake smiles lighting up on all our faces as another day progressed.
Al left after breakfast to visit the plantation, but before he left he told me that he would try and reason with Smith and White to try and beat their slaves as little as possible, and the little seedling of hope grew inside me. I helped Beth with cleaning the dishes, and she explained to me that the Leyton’s had cleared up one of the rooms upstairs and that we would be sleeping up there from now on, in the house.
“But I don’t want them to change how they treat us just because of the incident that I almost ran away.” I told Beth, anger surging through me. “I want to know that they did it without knowing they might have lost me.”
“But they did.” Beth said, tone gentle. “Al and Abby had decided all the decisions before they saw you coming home. I guess it was a change in mind after a while of you staying here already and the acceptance the children have given you.”
“Well they didn’t change their mind when they got you for a while.” I pointed out.
“There was another one of us.” Beth paused, her hands under the running water of the sink. “Another slave. He was strong, and they brought him back and forth between the plantation and the house, but after the deals changed with Smith and White he just stayed in the house mostly and he was arrogant and sly.” Beth swallowed, almost in fear. “The masters made him stay in the barn, but once he tried to escape and they caught him and he attacked the children-” Beth broke off, heaving with the memories of her past. She swallowed and looked up. “That’s why when Al said to buy a new slave, the children- we, were all weary of everyone’s actions, and that’s why Al was so intent on breaking you in early.” She continued to whisper. “The children still have nightmares.”
I nodded, now comprehending the masters’ harsh actions when I first arrived. “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on leaving any time soon.”
Beth’s eyes glazed with relief and I smiled, walking into the living room and sitting on the couch, thoughts processing through my mind.
The meaning of family had changed through the course of the separation of my Ma, Baba, and Aspurta. I didn’t lie when I said I will always love them, but I realized that sometimes, family isn’t always blood. It’s those you love, those who matter to you, and those who care for you back. The Leyton’s have shown me that, although not from the start, but they are also family now. Desperation changed my real family- they weren’t who I knew and I realized that not all masters were like my masters, but to give up the relationship I built for the risk of running away?
I looked over where I was sitting at Beth, her tireless hands working away and knew there was no way I was leaving my newly crafted family. Because like my old family, these people who I loved mattered to me now, too.
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